Dating and Relationship Trauma

 

From the time I was young, I wanted one thing more than anything else:

to get married, have children, and be a mom.

I did everything “right.”
I earned my undergraduate degree.
I earned my master’s degree.
I worked many jobs before finding my calling as a fitness and wellness coach.

But my primary dream was always simple—
to build a family and be a wife.

And by that measure, I failed.

Yes, I married.
Yes, I had three beautiful children.
And yes—from the outside—it looked perfect.
A good-looking couple. A nice life. What could possibly be wrong?

Short answer?
Everything.

Behind closed doors there were lies.
Manipulation.
Infidelity.
And a carefully constructed narrative that made me the villain—even accused of cheating, which never happened.

It was a toxic train wreck dressed up as perfection.

After the marriage ended, something unexpected happened.
I found my passion in helping others.
I found my voice in writing.
I found purpose in telling the truth so others might feel less alone.

But here’s the part that hurts to admit.

Dating after divorce has been awful.

Not just disappointing—triggering.
Not as devastating as my marriage, but not meaningful either.

And I keep asking myself:
Is this my PTSD?
Or has the face of dating fundamentally changed?

It feels like people no longer want to do the work.
Why fight for a relationship when you can swipe and replace?
Why grow when you can start over with someone new?

What once was my greatest dream—a healthy, loving partnership—has slowly become a fear.

And that breaks my heart.

Because the most traumatic moments of my life didn’t come from failure, or career, or hardship.
They came from relationships.